How the Grateful Dead’s ‘Touch of Grey’ became my life’s anthem

“Every silver lining’s got a touch of grey/ I will get by/ … I will survive.” — “Touch of Grey,” the Grateful Dead

Some songs resonate with me, regardless of the genre. I enjoy all music, from Top 40 to classic rock, rap, and the Grateful Dead. The lyrics are what inspire me, not the music.

Growing up, my parents listened to elevator music. It was boring and instrumental, and the lyrics never resonated with me. Dad was an accountant, and Mom owned a store. Their lives revolved around working and raising a happy family and did not intertwine with the counterculture movement prevalent in the late 1960s. They built a safe cocoon in the suburbs for my sister and me to thrive.

In 1989, a treasured friend introduced me to the Grateful Dead. At first, I was skeptical, thinking music about death wasn’t inspiring. My parents’ elevator music was depressing enough. Little did I know that this band would transform my perspective and become an integral part of me, influencing me with their powerful message of resilience and faith.

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I was watching the sunset with someone special at Jones Beach State Park in Long Island, New York, when a song played that I’d never heard before: “Touch of Grey” by the Grateful Dead (lyrics by Robert Hunter). It resonated, reminding me that challenges often have a silver lining, and became the anthem of my life.

The very next day, my high school English teacher assigned an essay. The song’s lyrics played in my head, becoming the inspiration for my writing. At the time, I was unaware of the obstacles I’d face due to hypoparathyroidism. I didn’t know the song would one day motivate me to conquer mountains and help me find hope in the face of adversity.

My essay won an award, but writing was not my plan. Yet here I am, decades later, chronicling my life for Hypoparathyroidism News. “Touch of Grey” continues to impact me, just as it did while watching that spectacular sunset. Its powerful message of resilience and hope remains close to my heart.

I met my ex-husband, also a Deadhead, in 1996. Our shared love of the band strengthened our bond and became a significant part of our lives. On our first date, he brought me tulips and a CD of my favorite album. After marrying in 1997, we wanted to start our family, united by our passion for the Grateful Dead.

In 1998, we adopted a yellow Labrador retriever. We named him Jerry in honor of the band leader who died in 1995.

Jerry (the dog) arrived when I was healthy. Months later, I had a thyroidectomy for Graves’ disease, which left me with hypoparathyroidism. Jerry was integral to my recovery, never leaving my side. “Touch of Grey” again became a source of comfort and strength. Jerry would lie on my stomach as I cried about my diagnosis and listened to that song repeatedly — a constant reminder that I would get by, I would survive.

Baby Drew and her puppy, Jerry, were best friends. (Courtesy of Bari Vapnek)

A month later, I got pregnant with my daughter, Drew. For me, pregnancy masked my hypopara symptoms. I spent those nine months at home with Jerry. At 90 pounds, he thought he was a lap dog, always resting his head on my growing belly. He listened to Drew’s heartbeat, creating an unexplainable bond.

Drew arrived home in August 1999, sleeping in her car seat. Jerry sat there watching her, and for 13 years, he never left her side. They were a pair; wherever Drew went, Jerry followed. He slept with her and protected her as they became best friends. Some of Drew’s first words were “no, Jerry” and “ball,” as he always wanted to play.

The Grateful Dead became part of Drew’s life from the beginning, as she started listening to them in utero. When planning her bat mitzvah, a ritual for Jewish girls turning 13, I asked her what theme she wanted for this momentous milestone. She replied, “Grateful Drew,” a testament to her connection with the band and their music.

Her extravagant party, filled with Grateful Dead memorabilia and electrifying colors, transported guests into the band’s culture. Drew attended her first Dead concert when she was 18. Even though Garcia was gone by then, their music never stopped.

Drew eventually moved to Atlanta for her career, and a guardian angel sent her the most amazing man. He, too, is a Dead fan. They recently visited Las Vegas to attend three nights of Dead & Company at the Sphere.

Everything happens for a reason. I am grateful for that New York sunset and continue to embody the idea that “every silver lining has a touch of grey.” This brave butterfly will keep spreading her wings of hope, encouraging everyone to find inspiring lyrics. Together, we will get by, we will survive.

Note: Hypoparathyroidism News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hypoparathyroidism News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hypoparathyroidism.