Considering language, ritual, and the way I speak my truth

Note: This column describes the author’s own experiences with acupuncture. Not everyone will have the same response to treatment. Consult your doctor before starting or stopping a therapy.

“Isn’t it funny? The truth just sounds different.” — Penny Lane (Kate Hudson) from the 2000 movie “Almost Famous”

Monday morning acupuncture is to me what Sunday services are for churchgoers. It’s become a ritual in which, as some experience when going to church, a different part is healed each week. I get what I need to refresh, recharge, and tackle the week ahead. Religiously, every Monday morning starts at Evolve Acupuncture & Wellness.

I indulged in an acupuncture facial this week, a delightful addition to my weekly session. The soothing voice of Bianca, my acupuncturist, explained how it’d help open my swollen lymph nodes, release toxins, and act as a natural alternative to Botox. It was a heavenly experience. While I didn’t miraculously look 20 years younger, I felt a profound release inside, lightening the burden I carried from the past weekend.

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Halfway through, Bianca asked me, “How are you feeling?”

“Awful,” I replied.

“Oh my gosh, what feels bad?” she asked. My answer, since I was so relaxed, had just slipped out of my mouth. We had a good, much-needed laugh about it!

Bianca left the room as I continued to melt into the heated, infrared healing table. That interaction made me think about the exchange of words as a Deepak Chopra meditation played in the background. My thoughts were about the question I most dislike to be asked in this world: “How are you?”

When someone asks how I feel, I usually reply with the standards: “Fine,” “OK,” “I’m here, so that’s good.” What they want to hear is “excellent,” “amazing,” “never better.” I knew Bianca’s question was not an opportunity to open myself to a genuine answer. They were simply words people recited daily, like a ritual.

Today, in a rare moment of pure Zen, I’d blurted out the truth: “I feel awful.” It was a moment of empowerment, a step toward emotional honesty.

From language to listening

Sometimes, I yearn to express the truth when someone asks how I’m feeling. Sometimes I’d like to say, “I don’t feel good,” “Everything hurts,” “I feel like I’m dying inside,” or “I’m sad.” But I know that’s not what people want to hear.

So I do what most do: say that I’m fine. But in truth, my “fine” may translate to “freaked out,” “insecure,” “neurotic,” or “emotional.” The truth is, sometimes it’s OK not to be OK. And sometimes it’s OK to open up about the wounds we carry inside. There’s just a time and a place for that.

Bari Vapnek receives her weekly treatment at Evolve Acupuncture & Wellness. (Photo by Kim Marrone)

I heed my advice, and when I greet someone, I never ask, “How are you?” Instead, I compliment the person and tell them I’m so happy to see or hear from them. I might recognize an achievement I saw on social media and say congratulations, or express how wonderful their vacation pictures looked. And I give them a warm hug, either in my arms or virtually over the phone.

Often, what people need most is not advice or solutions, but a listening ear. It’s easy to talk, but it’s more important to listen. They might have a heavy burden on their shoulders, just as I do with my hypoparathyroidism.

But I don’t have to release my heavy weight and express how I hate life with this condition. Instead, I can be there for others, offering a warm hug and a listening ear. There’s a reason why we have just one mouth but two ears! Listening is a gift we can give others to show them they’re valued and respected.

That’s why I go for acupuncture each Monday. It gives me a warm, healing hug and a reminder to let go. I release the toxins within and surrounding me, the heavy weights I carry. And I remember, I’m a brave butterfly; my wings of hope will continue to soar.

Instead of focusing on how my current parathyroid hormone isn’t working as well as when I began it, I stay focused on the new and emerging treatments on the horizon. There is hope: Soon I’ll have a choice of my medication and the ability to find the one that works for me.

It’s so encouraging when people are not just talking; they’re listening to the voices of all of us diagnosed with hypoparathyroidism. Being able to stay silent and hear is the best gift.

I’ll continue to be myself and attend acupuncture each week happily and gratefully, knowing that everything happens as it should. I’ll listen to the words spoken and embrace the hugs I’m given.

Note: Hypoparathyroidism News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hypoparathyroidism News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hypoparathyroidism.