Assessing my dreams after another year around the sun

“May the dreams of your past be the reality of your future.” — Jimi Hendrix

I celebrated my birthday last week with minimal fanfare yet much gratitude to have turned 52. I missed celebrations this year because my hypoparathyroidism, or hypopara, doesn’t respect plans and shows up when I least expect it.

This year, I spent numerous nights in the hospital after several trips to the emergency room — first for a calcium crash, or hypocalcemia, and then for hypercalcemia, or elevated calcium. I found that the latter feels much worse. Even on the parathyroid hormone replacement Yorvipath (palopegteriparatide), I still struggle to stay stable.

However, I wouldn’t have missed my birthday ritual. I spent the day with my sister and best friend, Pam. I was happy my mom, niece, and 9-month-old baby nephew joined our fun. We reflected on past birthday wishes as well as my journey. Our discussion resonated with me as I never thought that at 52, I’d be having this life. I had hopes and dreams that were derailed by my hypopara and the host of comorbidities that followed. I thought about some of those wishes as I blew out my candles.

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If you’d asked 10-year-old Bari where she’d be at 52, she would’ve replied that she’d be a doctor helping patients. On that birthday, I received a stethoscope from a dear friend who was a doctor. I was inspired to be like him. I walked around proudly with that stethoscope, listening to anyone’s heart that I could.

At 15, that wish changed when I took biology and had to dissect a frog. No longer wanting to be a doctor after that traumatic experience, 15-year-old Bari hoped for a career at a pharmaceutical company, as they make the medications doctors prescribe. I always knew I wanted to make a difference. Although my life goals have changed, helping others has always been part of my plan.

At 20 years old, stepping out of my sheltered home life while a student at the University of Delaware, I was exposed to brilliant minds, professors, and students worldwide. I discovered who I am and what motivates me. After taking a sports management and marketing class, I wanted to pursue a career in that field and hoped to work for my favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers. On that birthday, I wished for a trip to San Francisco. That summer, I traveled out west to see if it was the right fit. I quickly realized I couldn’t move across the country, away from my close-knit family.

Bari, standing at right, celebrates her 52nd birthday with her sister, mom, niece, and nephew. (Courtesy of Bari Vapnek)

At 25 years old, I concluded that everything happens the way it should. Although I was not a doctor or in sports, I was a young bride marrying my soulmate. I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.

On this birthday, I wished that the happiness and love I felt at that moment would never fade. I had a fairy-tale romance and wedding that was better than any dream imaginable. I was living my best life until I wasn’t — when I was diagnosed with hypopara in 1998.

For two decades after diagnosis, my wishes changed from what I wanted for me to what I wanted for my children: a happy, healthy, long life despite their mom being sick. As they were the reasons why I fought hypopara, I knew their livelihood meant more than anything else.

In 2016, my wishes changed after my life-altering calcium crash from Natpara (recombinant human parathyroid hormone). My wish became “I don’t want to die. I need to be there for my kids. I need to recover.” That wish didn’t come true until I entered the phase 2 clinical trial for Yorvipath in 2019.

In May of last year, my son, Harrison, graduated cum laude from the University of Missouri; he’s now a sports director for a local television station. This past December, my daughter, Drew, graduated cum laude with her doctor of chiropractic from Life University. I cried to Drew as we lay in bed that night. I never thought I’d make it to see that day. I was in awe of my children and all their accomplishments.

I realized I needed to be there for their next milestones, whatever they might be. I want to continue being their No. 1 fan, supporting and cheering them through the ups and downs of life. As I blew out my candles on this 52nd birthday, I vowed not to give up and to continue fighting my battle with hypopara for my kids.

After my celebration, I read my horoscope, which said I have enough time to decide what I want to be when I grow up. It occurred to me that being a mom was a dream come true. Although my childhood wishes remained unfulfilled, I’ve turned out to be a proud mommy to both a doctor and a sports director. While I certainly didn’t wish for hypoparathyroidism, I’ll continue to fight daily in my hypopara journey as a “Brave Butterfly,” spreading her wings of hope.

Note: Hypoparathyroidism News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hypoparathyroidism News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hypoparathyroidism.