The lifesaving advice my 40-year-old self would give my teenage self
Lessons for navigating life with hypoparathyroidism
My therapist had me sit with teenage Heather during my last eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy appointment. This Heather had her light brown hair in a bob, wore big glasses and plaid shorts, and was rocking back and forth, full to the brim with anxiety and an illness she didn’t have a name for.
This was before my hypoparathyroidism diagnosis, when I was struggling with daily sickness, anxiety, and brain fog. We were at my childhood kitchen table, a piece of furniture that my dad and grandpa had made, struggling over homework that didn’t make sense to my muddled brain.
My therapist asked me what 40-year-old Heather would tell teenage Heather to guide and support her. This is what I came up with.
What I would say
We are actually sick. It’s not all in our head. It’s going to be hard because no one will listen to us for a long time. Trust what our body is saying.
The sickness makes our anxiety worse. The scary thoughts? They’re called intrusive thoughts. Thank our brain for worrying, but let it know we’re OK. Don’t trust what our brain is telling us.
We don’t owe the world health, thinness, or endless giving without boundaries.
Anyone who belittles our rare disease, our health, or our safety does not need to be in our life. It’s OK to love someone and walk away, to miss someone and not reach out. Honor who we are and the right people will find us. As our dear friend says, “There is enough, so ask for more.”
Our chronic illness and fandom friends will help get us through the worst of times. Cherish them.
No one will care about our health as much as we do. And we have to care. We have to do the work, because I promise it will get better if we do.
If a doctor doesn’t believe us, try to educate them. If they don’t listen, find a new one. Learning to do our own research is what saves our life.
The doctors won’t have all the answers, but our hypopara community will help. Listen to their stories and share our own.
Rest is essential. It doesn’t mean we’re lazy and doesn’t deserve guilt. Our body does not work like a healthy person’s body works. We don’t all have the same 24 hours.
Just because we learn and think differently doesn’t mean we’re not smart. Our creative thinking is what will make our work so special. Keep doing it.
Loving oneself is a revolution. And we love revolutions.
We have a big heart and it’s gonna get broken a lot because we believe everyone deserves love, and grief is the sister of love. Keep letting our heart break. The world needs more love.
It’s OK to like people of the same gender and of opposite genders. It doesn’t mean we’re broken, just different. Attraction, gender, and sexuality are all a spectrum.
No matter what, I love you. I believe you. I see you.
A breakthrough
At the end of the session, my therapist asked me what younger Heather wanted to say back. Younger Heather ran to her childhood bedroom, grabbed her pillow and her favorite stuffed animal — a Minnie Mouse from Grandma — and then ran downstairs and grabbed my hand. She followed me to my current home, curled up on the couch, and promptly took a nap. I had the overwhelming feeling of relief, like younger Heather was finally at peace and finally felt safe enough to rest.
It was one of those breakthrough sessions, one we’d been trying to have for a long time, but that I wasn’t ready for until now. As my five years with my EMDR therapist come to an end, I’m glad I got to have this moment with myself. Because the advice I gave my younger self is still the advice I give myself today.
Sometimes my brain lies to me, sometimes my body argues with me, but all the time, I still love me and the woman and advocate I’ve become.
Note: Hypoparathyroidism News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or another qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Hypoparathyroidism News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to hypoparathyroidism.
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